We Just Wanna Figure Out Life
by colormyheartred
Summary: rockstar au mixed with best friends get pregnant, captain swan
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: this started as a writing exercise but slowly became a four-part series when I kept going back to it for writing exercises. Hope you enjoy! I'll post one a day until it's done, but all of the parts are on my tumblr (with the exception of the last as of right now) if you want to see them :)**

* * *

"How are you?" he whispers into the phone, as if they're lying side-by-side in this bed that's far too cold.

Emma curls her legs up toward her chest. If she closes her eyes, it's almost like he's right here with her. So she keeps them closed and doesn't dare open them.

"Busy," Emma replies. "Kinda miss you, Jones."

"Kind of?" he asks as if he's completely scandalized. "Bloody hell, Swan, I miss you a hell of a lot more than kind of."

Emma giggles into her hand and licks her lips. "Maybe a little more than that."

Her heart aches as she takes a deep breath.

"Well, I'll be there in two more sleeps," Killian says softly.

"Two?"

"Mm," Killian hums. He's quiet. She listens to his breaths, soft and even.

Emma traces a circle into her bed with her toes. "You're my best friend."

"Aye," he replies in a sleepy murmur. "I know." She can hear his lopsided grin in the tone of his voice and it makes her heart skip a beat as her stomach flips. "You're my best friend too."

"Yeah," Emma whispers, smiling softly. "I know."

She doesn't dare to open her eyes because she can see his face as clear as if he were here with her. She can almost feel his warmth.

"Liam says I'm overdramatic," Killian says. "Thinks I should find a new best friend."

Emma scoffs. "Why? Because I'm not good for you?"

"No, because you're perfect for me, more like," Killian says quickly.

It settles in the air between them like the unspoken feelings that come over them when they're together- the lingering touches and glances, the words that always feel like they mean something more.

Emma burrows deeper into her bed and chills run down her arms.

"Killian?"

"Hm?"

She can tell he's getting tired- it's late where he is, much later than it is where she is now.

"I can't wait to see you."

He chuckles warmly. "I can't wait to see you either."

"Two sleeps."

"Two sleeps."

/

 _Killian: one more sleep_

 _Emma: one more sleep_

/

The moment she sees him, he's coming down a hallway with a bunch of other travelers. He has a bag draped over his shoulder and he looks so much better than she could've remembered.

He has a beard now- _man is she going to love teasing him about it_ \- and he has a leather jacket on. It's his M.O. She could spot him in a crowd of a thousand people- wearing that dumb leather jacket she had the audacity to buy him one year for Christmas before he ever became a platinum selling musician.

Emma grins when she sets her gaze on him. She's standing with Mary Margaret, who is currently eight months pregnant, and when she spies her husband David walking alongside Killian, her smile is almost as wide as Emma's.

"Go," Mary Margaret insists on a laugh when Emma nervously meets her eyes.

Emma hesitates before she takes off running. She doesn't think Killian sees her until she gets a few feet away from him. His smile splits his face in two and he laughs even before she collides with him.

Her legs go around his hips and she digs her fingers into his hair as she clings to him.

"Oh my God, you're here," Emma murmurs into his ear. "You're here."

Killian laughs as he squeezes her tight. "Bloody hell, Swan. Gods, I've missed you so much."

Emma breathes him in and shuts her eyes before allowing her legs to fall back to the ground. She laughs softly and their foreheads touch as their eyes meet again.

"Don't leave again," she says, even though she knows it's something that can't be helped.

Killian stares at her like he never has had the opportunity before. "Come with me next time."

Her heart skips a beat. She doesn't have time to think about it, because Liam's voice breaks them apart.

"Well, here you are, Emma,"

"Hey, Liam." Emma smiles. She's lingering by Killian's side, her arm around his shoulders. "How was going international?"

"Bloody chaos," Liam says. He smiles though and straightens out the hat on his head. He looks at his brother. "I'm sure you've got mad plans already for the week."

"Including but not limited to at least twenty hours of lounging in front of my TV." Emma says.

Killian and Liam both laugh happily.

"Well, I suppose it could be worse." Liam tilts his head forward. "I'll leave you two to it."

As Liam walks away, Emma curls her fingers around Killian's arm. Killian turns his head to kiss her forehead chastely.

"C'mon, we've got to get the luggage."

Her heart races and she knows this thing between them is dangerous, but she holds onto his hand anyway as they walk forward.

Mary Margaret shoots her at least sixteen looks, but Emma keeps her attention on Killian as he's explaining a story to her.

"I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too."

/

The last night that Killian and the band are in town, they gather at a bar.

She's tipsy before he is, but that's not a surprise.

They don't get drunk because Killian has a long day ahead of him and Emma has work in the morning, but they're sufficiently giggly with alcohol buzzing in their veins.

What's a surprise is the words that bubble out of his mouth into her ear as they're sitting in the taxi on their way back to her place.

"I love you, Emma Swan."

Emma stares at him and she almost laughs, but he's her best friend. He's her best friend and she's not going to see him for another few months.

So instead of thinking, Emma _does_.

"I love you too." Emma whispers into his ear.

Killian's eyes brighten and he smiles. "Well, that's good."

They giggle into their first kiss. They sigh into their second. Groan into their third.

/

The sun isn't out to blind her when she opens her eyes to Killian's alarm. It's four in the morning and they were definitely out too long for this.

They both groan.

Emma falls back asleep despite her interest in being awake to say goodbye.

/

"So…" Killian's voice is thick with tiredness and stress as it comes through her phone speaker.

Emma closes her eyes. She's wrapped in one of the shirts she found that he'd left behind and it's almost like he's here.

"We did some things," Emma whispers.

Killian sighs. "We did some things."

She licks her lips and her heart races. "I liked those things."

Killian is quiet for a second. "I did too."

She can practically see the red of his cheeks and ears as he smiles wryly. Emma giggles and curls her legs toward her chest.

"Emma, I'm sorry I didn't try to stay and talk with you in the morning. That was awful of me. You must have-"

"No, it's fine," Emma promises. "You have this crazy tour schedule and I was exhausted. Obviously from a thoroughly exhausting activity."

Killian snorts. "Emma."

"Killian, I love that you want to be a gentleman, but you're a part of a huge band and I'm just… here, waiting for you to come back."

"Shouldn't be like this," Killian murmurs. She hears him toss onto his side. "I didn't want it to happen like this."

Emma furrows her brow. "What?"

"I've been in love with you for some time, Emma," he whispers and it hits her like a brick. "And I didn't intend to tell you as much and then- bloody hell, Emma, I didn't want to be on a bus heading away from you-"

Emma laughs. She can't help it. "Killian, it's okay." She pauses. "I miss you. That's not going to get easier. But, when you come back we can pick up where we left off. In the meantime, we have our talks. Right?"

"Aye," Killian sighs. "About that, Emma… now that we're doing shows here-"

"You're not going to be free until like two in the morning," Emma finishes for him. Her belly lurches and her heart sinks.

"We can talk in the morning before you go to work."

"I don't want you to do that. You need rest too."

Killian sighs heavily. "Well."

"Well."

/

 _Killian: miss you._

 _Emma: miss you._

/

She starts throwing up.

She buys a test.

It's positive.

/

 _Killian: the show was wild tonight! I wish you were here! Miss you so much. Here's a pic of Liam and I pre-show. We've got our guyliner on… know how much you love it._

/

 _Killian: you alright? It's been a few days._

/

 _Killian: Tell me you're not pissed with me. I've got no idea what I've done but I'm sorry for it._

/

"Emma, I just miss your voice," he says. "Please call me. I don't care if I'm asleep when you call or if I'm on stage in the middle of a song- just… I'll answer. I just want to talk to you."

Emma sighs heavily. She's sitting on the edge of her bed listening to his call for the hundredth time. It's three in the morning. She should be asleep. So should he.

But Emma's awake, staring at the little black and white blob on a piece of paper with tears in her eyes.

She doesn't know what she's doing, but her finger hovers over his contact and she trembles as she presses the call button.

Emma brings her phone to her ear and wipes her wrist under her nose and wipes her eyes with her fingers as she breathes in deep.

It rings a few times.

"'Ello?" his voice is slurred and it's obvious she woke him up. "Emma?"

She sits there, listening to him with her heart racing fast. Her stomach flips and flops and she feels panic rise up in her.

She hangs up.

It's her first mistake.

Her second is shutting off her phone when he calls the second time.

/

Mary Margaret is a good mom.

She invites Emma to come visit when little Leo is a few days old and Emma almost collapses into a puddle the second she lays eyes on the sweet newborn baby. She's allowed to hold him and that's when tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"Emma? Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Emma looks at Mary Margaret and shrugs her shoulders pathetically.

"I slept with Killian," she murmurs. "And I'm pregnant."

Mary Margaret's frown deepens and she wraps an arm around Emma. She presses a kiss to her temple. "It's okay, Emma. It's okay."'

/

 _Killian: Happy birthday, Swan. I miss you. I'm endlessly sorry for whatever it is I've done._

/

It's Emma's birthday when she starts to show.

Emma hangs out with Leo and Mary Margaret and David a lot. They do almost everything together, so it's where she goes on her birthday- to their little apartment.

Mary Margaret makes a cake. David sings and plays guitar. Leo even seems to be happy.

"Have you talked to Killian lately?" David wonders as they're sitting in front of the television that night.

"No," Emma sighs.

Her arms instinctively go around her middle as she turns to look at David. He frowns at her.

"Maybe you should."

Emma shrugs. "I don't know."

David reaches down to take her hand. "I know he misses you. He asks about you all the time."

/

 _killianjones: Heading to LA for a show tomorrow night! Hope to see you there!_

/

Emma takes a deep breath as she stands in front of room number 422. Her fingers tremble and she almost turns away, but she steadies herself instead and makes a fist to knock.

A bag is draped over her shoulder and she looks around as she waits for a reply.

When the door opens, she's met with shock and awe. Killian stares at her as if he's never seen her before and Emma smiles weakly.

"Hi," she whispers. She searches his eyes and he surges forward to wrap his arms around her.

He's so much warmer than she remembers. He sighs against her and she only holds on tighter.

"Emma, Emma, Emma," he murmurs. "Gods, I've missed you- oh, God, I've missed you."

When Killian pulls away, she takes a breath and reaches for his hand. "Come in. We've got so much to talk about- does Liam know you're here?"

Emma doesn't move. She shakes her head. "Killian, I…" She looks around and closes her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" Killian asks, his face becoming serious.

Emma drags his hand over her middle, where the slight curve of her belly is. She meets his eyes after a moment of staring down at his hand against her.

"I'm pregnant," she whispers brokenly. Emma manages a smile. "You're gonna be a daddy."

Killian's breathing quickens and he surges forward to cup her face between his hands. He smiles and settles his forehead against hers as laughter comes from his belly.

"Bloody hell," he laughs. "Emma, this is incredible."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

/

He kisses her stomach and presses his ear over her bellybutton while they lie on his hotel bed. Her fingers go into his hair and she can't help but smile while she listens to him talk softly to her middle.

"We're going to have to think of a name," Killian says excitedly. He draws a line over her belly. "How far along are you? Have you had much morning sickness? Where are we going to live?"

Emma laughs and Killian draws himself up toward her. He kisses her long and sweet before bumping noses with her.

"Bloody hell, I love you."

Emma laughs again softly. She presses her hand against his scruffy cheek. "I love you too."

Killian settles down beside her but touches her belly as soon as he can. It makes her smile as she stares at him.

"I'm almost four months," Emma tells him. "And I did have morning sickness, but not a lot lately." She slides a leg between his. "And I think we're going to have to talk about the topic of us before we decide that."

"Hm," Killian kisses her again. "I think I'd like to spend the rest of my days tangled up in blankets watching our television shows."

Emma laughs. "What about the baby?"

"The baby can watch the television too, Swan." Emma gives him a look and he laughs sweetly. "Kidding, darling."

Emma stares at him and he stares right back for the longest time. A small smile fills his lips and he brushes her hair behind her ear lovingly.

"You're my best friend,"

"Yeah," Emma smiles softly. "I know." She nuzzles his nose and settles her palm against his cheek, her thumb digging into his dimple. "You're my best friend too."

Killian takes a heavy breath and her eyes fall shut. "Marry me."

Emma's smile spreads to her eyes and she whispers, "Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

They're all giggles when they fall into their bed on the evening of their wedding.

They'd decided unanimously that of _course_ they'd get married without making a big deal out of it.

They didn't tell anyone, and while they might come to regret the decision later, as Emma feels the cool metal of her _husband's_ wedding band against her skin, her heart leaps and she can't help from grinning wide.

He kisses her sweetly and settles a hand over her middle while they catch their breath, just staring at one another in the aftermath of the most beautiful and wonderful day she's ever had.

"Bloody hell," Killian whispers, laughing under his breath. Her legs tangle with his and she bites on her lip to keep from laughing too loudly. "I cannot believe we're married."

Emma's fingers tangle with his and she strokes her thumb over his. "You're my husband."

Killian grins, his eyes trailing over her face. "Aye. I know." He kisses her soundly. "You're my wife."

She giggles. Her heart feels warm at the mention of her new title.

"Yeah." Emma searches his eyes. "I know."

Killian kisses her again and she delights in it, desperate to hold onto this moment forever. She presses her hand against his cheek and their foreheads touch.

"We really should have told someone," Emma sighs. "I have a feeling we're going to be obvious."

Killian laughs sweetly. "I vote we change not a thing, my wife."

He meets her eyes when she shifts her head to rest on the edge of her pillow.

"But what about Liam?" Emma wonders. "Or Mary Margaret?"

He kisses the tip of her nose. "When we're ready, we can tell them."

"Yeah," Emma smiles softly. She squeezes his hand. "What's our next step?"

Killian sighs heavily. "Sleep. Worry about tomorrow in the morning."

She can't say she disagrees with the sentiment. Her hand cups his cheek again and she kisses his lips softly.

"You have the most beautiful mind, Killian Jones. I'm so lucky."

Killian stares at her, smiling gently with sleep weighing heavy in his eyes. "No, I think I'm the lucky one." His fingers caress her belly and butterflies attack her there. "So bloody lucky."

/

Her husband is a bed hog.

She realizes it as soon as she wakes up the morning after their wedding. He has limbs spread in every direction and she's almost on the edge of the bed.

Emma rolls her eyes. She shoves the arm that's hanging over her middle away. He jerks awake, sucking in a harsh breath as his groan rumbles out.

"What's happening?"

"Killian, you're a bed hog," she mumbles into her pillow. She curls up facing him and he winces as he rakes his fingers through his hair.

"Well, to be fair I've spent my life _not_ sharing a bed with my _wife_ ," he says thickly.

"Laying on the charm pretty thick for a guy who almost kicked his pregnant wife out of bed." Emma snaps.

Killian sighs. He reaches over and tugs her to him. "Swan, I'm sorry."

"You're only sorry because I'm mad at you." Emma grumbles.

Killian kisses her cheek and nose and forehead. "Mm. No. I'm sorry because I'm in the wrong, darling."

Emma can't help but smile at the statement. She softens, but only a little. She shoves at his chest but then cups his face between her hands so she can study him in the morning glow.

"What are we doing?" she asks in a whispered giggle.

Killian laughs with her. His hand caresses her side. "I don't know." He chuckles. "I truly have no bloody idea. I just love you."

Emma reaches for his hand and settles it over her middle. "I just love you too."

Killian smiles, crinkles forming beside his eyes. "That's enough."

"Yeah. It's enough."

/

She's showing. Like, _showing_ , showing.

None of her pants fit and she can't seem to make it through a trip to the store without someone stopping her wondering when she's due.

It doesn't help that she has Killian with her, eager to step into his role as her husband and father of the little life growing inside of her.

Somehow, though, he makes it better when he kisses her temple and tells her, "Joy is something to be shared."

Emma quirks an eyebrow. "So should we share with our friends now?"

Killian sighs. "Probably."

/

They're living together in Killian's loft apartment.

There are photographs of the two of them on the fridge and in frames all around the place. Her favorite mug sits beside his on the counter. Their books mingle on the bookshelves. The same can be said of their movie collections.

Her throw pillows are on his couch and their clothes are kind of scattered everywhere in their bedroom. It being that Killian's back from tour and Emma just moved in while she's been growing out of her clothes, she reasons that it makes sense.

Killian invites their friends- mostly just members of the band and a few of Emma's close friends from work- and Emma cleans while he cooks dinner.

By the time the first of their guests arrive, Emma has a nervous knot in her stomach and she keeps anxiously fluffing the pillows on the couch.

"Darling," Killian comes to her and massages the kinks out of her shoulder blades. "It'll be perfectly fine."

"Right," Emma sighs. She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "We're just telling them that I'm five months pregnant and that we got married all in one sitting. No big deal."

Her husband stops what he's doing and she turns to face him completely.

"You look beautiful."

Emma feels a blush in her cheeks. She shakes her head. "You're my husband so you have to say that."

"I mean it," Killian promises. He rubs her arm. "Are you ready?"

Emma takes a deep breath. "No."

Killian laughs heartily. He leans in and kisses her forehead. "I'm here. Okay?"

"Okay."

/

Mary Margaret probably could pass out cold.

David looks completely shocked and almost affronted that nobody said anything.

Liam, who has had no idea that she's pregnant, initially was angry before Killian announced their second bit of news to his brother.

After that, it became a game of catching up and warm hugs.

Killian's band reacts with a mixture of excitement and confusion.

Robin claims he already knew, but Emma thinks he's just trying to play it off because he wasn't invited to their wedding.

/

"It went okay," Emma murmurs when they get ready for bed that night.

Killian meets her eyes in the mirror. He has his toothbrush in his mouth when he smiles and nods. "It went okay."

He spits and rinses. Emma does the same.

She turns to him. "We're kind of stupid. Getting married like that."

"Nah," Killian shakes his head. "You're my best friend. Who else is going to deal with me?"

Emma laughs. She can't help it. "I _am_ perfect for you, right?"

"Mm," Killian leans down and captures her in a minty kiss. "Completely perfect." He kisses her again. "Mrs. Jones."

/

"We should get a puppy," Killian says one night while they're watching TV.

Emma sighs. "We're already having a baby. Isn't that enough to worry about?" She chews a few pieces of popcorn as she watches the screen and when Killian doesn't answer, she looks up at him. "Killian-"

"Alright, alright," Killian kisses her head. "It was just an idea."

Emma frowns. "If you're sad, I'll be sad."

"I'm not sad."

She turns toward him and sets the popcorn bowl on the floor. "Killian."

"Emma."

Emma searches his eyes. "We're young and impulsive enough as it is."

"Exactly," Killian says, as if it helps his case. "Why shouldn't we get a puppy?"

"Because I'm your wife and I say no."

/

 _killianjones: thinking about getting a puppy, but my wife says no. hm._

/

 _killianjones: just realized we never officially announced! #tbt that time we got married._

/

Emma receives the notifications one after the other while she's folding laundry in the bedroom. She isn't sure what she should be more concerned about, the puppy or the fact that she's now _officially_ the wife of one of the world's most famous musicians.

"Babe, we're not getting a puppy!"

"Damn." Killian says, coming into the room with a small fluffy golden puppy tucked under his arm. "I guess I'll just have to send him back-"

Emma laughs. "Killian Jones, you-" She goes to him and forces a stern look while she admires the tiny puppy in his arms. Her frown falls away in the moment that the puppy barks and seems to smile at her. "Fine. We can keep him."

Killian grins.

/

 _killianjones: officially announcing the latest addition to the Jones family, Jack (Sparrow)._

/

"We have a doctor's appointment, babe," Emma laughs, swatting her husband when he groans into his pillow. She's dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed. With an amused smile, she allows Jack to join them on the bed. She brings him to Killian's face and the puppy licks him eagerly.

"Bloody hell, Sparrow-" Killian groans and runs a hand down Jack's back to stop the licking. "Doctor's?"

"I thought I told you about it," Emma says. "Last night before bed."

Killian sighs. "Darling, I don't remember."

Emma pulls Jack away from Killian and scratches under his ears. "Well, if we're going to make it on time we have to leave in like ten minutes. I'm kind of excited to see if it's a boy or a girl."

 _That_ wakes him up. He sits up, wide eyes, and shakes his head.

"You don't know yet?"

Emma laughs. She takes her fingers through his hair and tilts her head, smiling. "No. I wanted to wait for you."

Killian takes her hand and kisses her palm. "Alright, then. Give me five minutes and I'll be ready to leave."

It takes him seven, but she can't be mad when he's singing and wondering aloud about what'll happen during the appointment while she sits on their bed and waits for him.

/

"What do you think?" Emma asks when they sit in the back of a taxi. She rubs a hand over her belly. "Boy or girl?"

Killian studies her middle, his hand pressing against the high point. "Hmm… I've had it in my head for a while that it's a girl."

Emma hums. "Interesting."

"Why is that interesting?"

"Because I think so too." Emma smiles at him. "But I don't care either way."

/

The gel is cold, but Killian's hand is warm.

The doctor is thrilled to see them both in attendance and even happier to find out about their recent marriage.

Killian gets tears in his eyes when they stare at the screen and Emma laughs happily when he kisses her cheek, murmuring again and again, "That's our baby."

"Do you want to know the sex?"

"Yes."

"It's a girl."

/

"A _girl_ , Swan! We're having a baby girl!"

"Yes, I know," Emma giggles. "We're having a girl."


	3. Chapter 3

Emma met Killian when they were kids.

They both were sitting in the waiting room at the music store for their music lessons. Killian had his guitar, Emma had her sheet music, and both of them were dropped off and came in all by themselves.

She can remember it as if it were yesterday. He's the one that wanted to talk to her. He came over, smiling, and asked what she was practicing that week.

Emma had soon after quit playing, because of financial reasons, but she'd somehow managed to keep Killian's friendship.

It just happened. One day they were friends, the next they could barely be separated.

She's incredibly thankful for it.

"When did you fall in love with me?" she asks him one night. "Or, I guess, when did you realize you were in love with me?"

They're sitting in the middle of a fancy restaurant and they're both dressed up because they're going to see a play. It's something Killian has taken to calling their "grown up date night".

Emma takes a break from eating her pasta and settles her hand over her growing baby bump. She leans back in her chair and watches with bemusement as Killian finishes what's in his mouth before quickly answering her.

"Minuet in G Major by Bach," Killian says.

Emma tilts her head to the side. "What?"

Her husband grins and has a sip of water. "You were playing it for your lesson that day we met."

Her heart skips a beat before it completely melts. Emma sighs, a weak smile on her lips. "Killian-"

Killian reaches for her hand on the table and thumbs over her knuckle. "I know it wasn't love at first sight for you, Swan. But it was for me."

Emma starts to cry- she can't help it- and laughs while she wipes at her cheeks. "I'm okay. Just hormones."

Killian nods. He squeezes her hand. "When was it for you?"

Emma bites on her lower lip. She smiles. "We were sixteen. You were in my room and we were watching TV and I just looked at you and I wanted everything." Emma sighs. "But you were dating what's-her-name and I was sad because of what happened with Neal. It wasn't time."

Killian hums. "I'm glad we found the right time."

Emma laughs. She often thinks about this- how none of their relationship works while at the same time it completely does.

"It only took getting drunk after years of pining after one another…" Emma shakes her head. "But we finally admitted our love in the back of a cab and then immediately got pregnant."

Killian rolls his eyes playfully. "I hope you don't regret it, because our little girl is completely everything to me, Swan."

Her heart feels warm and she shakes her head. "I don't regret it."

Emma takes her hand over her middle. In an instant, as if she knows the conversation is about her, the little girl in question begins to kick. Emma gasps and laughs.

"What's going on?" Killian laughs.

"She's kicking." Emma presses her palm against the spot and Killian scrambles to his knees beside the table so he can touch her belly too.

"Bloody hell," Killian grins. "She's mighty strong, isn't she?"

Emma laughs, tears in her eyes that match Killian's. "She is."

Killian leans over her and kisses her forehead. "I've never felt so lucky in my life. And that's saying something, because I've seen the world."

Emma manages to smile. She knows what he's saying- that even with all of his success, this is the thing he's most proud of. This. Their family.

"I know."

/

"Sophia,"

"No way." Emma laughs. She looks at the list in front of Killian and lays her arm across her middle. "What else?"

"Oh, how about we call her Harper?"

Emma considers him. "I don't know."

Killian gives her a silent glare that she sighs at.

"Fine. Maybe. Save it."

"Alright," Killian adds the name to their name document. He goes back to scrolling through the website. "What about Claire?"

Emma winces. "Sounds like an old lady."

"Swan, if we're going to come up with a name-"

"I don't know. I'm just tired, okay?" Emma sighs. "Can we talk about names in the morning?"

Killian presses a kiss to her forehead. "As you wish."

/

Jack, or Sparrow as Killian tends to call him, likes to wake Emma up with his little whimpers and tiny _woofs_ early in the morning.

"Killian-"

"I've got him." Killian grunts as he hauls himself out of bed. "Come along, Sparrow. Don't make eyes like that at Mummy, lad."

Emma, through squinted eyes, meets Killian's gaze. He smiles softly at her.

"I'll be right back, darling."

"Mm," Emma hums. "Love you."

"Love you too."

When Killian leaves the apartment, Emma rubs her hand over her belly.

"Your daddy is going to be so good at loving you, baby."

/

"We should order this one," Emma says, pointing to the laptop screen between them.

They're sitting in the recording studio. It's not her first time coming here, but it's the first time she's exercising her wifely duties and supporting her husband.

While Killian waits to go do his tracking, he's curled up next to her while they browse the internet for things to put in the nursery.

Emma's seven months pregnant. So far, the nursery consists of a few boxes of things they brought home on a whim. There is a sweet photograph of them hanging on the wall, framed, though. She thinks it's a good addition to the room.

"Oh, of course," Killian agrees. He smiles and scrolls down. "Oh, bloody hell, look at how cute this is."

Emma giggles. "She's going to be so spoiled."

"Well, with our genetics, I'm sure she'll deserve it."

Emma rolls her eyes and gently swats her husband on the back of his head. He chuckles warmly.

"Alright, lovebirds," Liam says, playfully sitting down beside Killian. "Make room for Uncle Liam."

Emma beams at Liam. "We're ordering some stuff for the nursery."

Liam stares at the screen and clutches at his chest. "Have we got a name for my sweet niece yet?"

"Not yet," Killian says. "We've got a few contenders. We're still thinking it all out."

"Hmm." Liam licks his lips and has a sip of his coffee. "How's Captain Jack?"

Emma chuckles. "Killian's been trying to get him to learn how to do tricks but Jack doesn't want any of it. He'd rather tear some of Mommy's things up."

Killian seems embarrassed. His cheeks heat up and he tilts his head from side-to-side. "Darling, he's still young."

Emma leans her head into his shoulder and takes his hand. "I'm just teasing."

/

 _Killian: I just finished singing a song about you for the guys. They loved it._

 _Emma: wait… what?_

 _Killian: ;)_

/

"Killian Jones, what are you doing?" Emma giggles.

He holds his hand over her eyes and guides her down the hall.

"It's a surprise. Just trust me. You'll love it." They come to a stop and Killian kisses her head. "Alright, are you ready, Mrs. Jones?"

Emma nods. "Kind of nervous, but yes."

Killian's warm hand falls away from her face and Emma has butterflies that anxiously flap in her belly as she opens her eyes.

What's before her is surprising- there is a baby grand piano in their living room.

"Killian? What-"

Killian grins at her and dances his way over to the instrument. "I've wanted to have a piano for a while, and I know you were once quite talented, so…" He pauses, smiling nervously. "Do you… like it?"

Emma widens her eyes and laughs. "It's… _wow_."

Emma goes toward it. She settles her hand over her bump and strokes when the baby moves. When she stands in front of it, she sets her fingers against the keys.

"It's beautiful," Emma says honestly. She looks up at her husband.

"Do you remember how to play?"

Emma laughs once. She tilts her head to the side and bites on her lip. "They say learning an instrument is muscle memory."

Emma begins to press the keys and a song seems to flow from her. It makes Killian smile affectionately at her when she looks up at him.

"You've still got it!"

Emma blushes. She laughs and shakes her head as she pulls her hands away from the piano.

"Hold on, let me grab my guitar. We can have a jam session!"

Killian takes off running and Emma can't stop laughing until he returns, guitar slung across his body while he tunes the strings.

"This is like your number one dream, isn't it?" Emma teases when she sits at the piano and Killian starts to pluck the strings.

"We are officially the coolest couple in the world, dare I say it myself," Killian affirms.

Emma hums a laugh. "Alright. Jam session."

/

 _killianjones: my wife and I are going to start our own band!_

 _emmaswan: killianjones why did you post a video oh my god_

 _killianjones: emmaswan ;) #goals_

/

Liam comes over to help build the crib.

It's an incredibly hilarious adventure that Emma watches from the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She can't stop biting back laughter, especially when Killian and Liam start arguing over which pieces go where.

"Bloody hell, brother, why did you order such a maddening crib?" Liam grumbles.

Emma flips the pages of a parenting book when Killian looks up at her for support.

"It wasn't- just hand me that-" Killian grabs a piece from Liam and jams it into place. "See? That wasn't as hard- oh, damn it all to hell. It's backwards, isn't it?"

/

David comes over to help build the new crib.

It goes much smoother, though there are three men in the nursery and Emma feels more comfortable playing with Leo in the living room while Mary Margaret makes dinner.

"It's all done!" Killian sighs.

He comes out of the nursery looking like he spent an entire day on a construction site somewhere. He wipes an arm over his forehead and smiles at her.

She's holding Leo on her hip and the little boy babbles happily at the sight of Killian.

"Well, hello to you, Leo." Killian grins. He approaches Emma and leaves a kiss to Leo's head before pecking her lips. "Would you care to see?"

Emma can't help but laugh. "It's been an all-day event. Of course I want to see what you guys have been up to."

She walks with Leo in her arms to the nursery and when she sees the crib completely built, she turns to Killian and smiles warmly when he goes over the _features_ of the crib.

"Good job, babe."

Killian grins from ear-to-ear. "Thanks, Swan."

/

"What if we call her Charlotte?" Killian asks.

Emma's laying in bed, feeling hot and tired but irritated and also like she has to pee, again. She watches as her husband folds their laundry beside her. He's dressed for the show tonight- everything but his leather jacket and boots.

"Charlotte," Emma repeats. She smiles a little. "It's a nice name."

"Aye?" Killian grins. "I thought so."

Emma stares at him and licks her lips. "Do you really have to do this show tonight?"

"Well, Liam would kill me if I phoned him _now_. The show's in two hours. You were the one that wanted me to do it in the first place, love." Killian settles one of her shirts on the bed. "Are you too tired to come along?"

"No, I'll be okay," Emma insists even as she cracks a yawn.

Killian laughs. "Swan, as much as I want you there, I know you're nine months pregnant."

Emma hums. She folds her hands together on top of her belly. "Can you believe it's been that long? So much has happened since the start of this whole thing."

Killian nods in agreement. He lifts his eyebrows high. "And to think, I once imagined we'd only ever be best friends. Now we're married and almost parents."

Emma sighs contentedly. "Yeah." She watches as her husband moves around the bed to come to her side. He leans over and kisses her sweetly. "Love you."

"Love you."

/

She probably should have anticipated this.

He's singing, for the first time all by himself in the middle of his first show in a while, and she's standing right in the front row, just for him.

And it's _her_ song, that one he'd hinted at a few months ago, and it's the most beautiful thing she's ever heard, but–

Her water breaks.

Killian cuts the song short and hops off the stage without any pretense. "Is it happening?"

"Yeah." Emma manages to smile through the contraction as her husband's arms wrap around her.

Killian laughs happily. He turns to the stage. "Liam- we've got to go have a baby now, if you don't mind!"

"Bloody hell, no I don't," Liam cheers into the microphone. "Good luck! Call us when she's here!"

And that is how the world finds out that Killian Jones is going to be a father.

/

Charlotte Grace Jones enters the world after many long hours of labor. She's small and red and she has the lungs of an Olympic swimmer.

But the moment Emma holds the little squirming girl for the first time, her heart feels so much heavier and she loves so truly that it hurts.

Killian is no better off. He has tears in his eyes when he kisses Emma.

"She's stunning, Swan," Killian whispers into her ear, his nose against her temple while he kisses her cheek. "Bloody hell. So beautiful."

Emma meets his eyes before they both look at the little girl with a head full of dark hair. Emma strokes her fingers.

"Yeah," Emma manages to say. "She's everything."

/

"Should we count her fingers and toes again?" Killian asks.

Emma laughs. "Let her rest. We can count them again in a few hours."

She stares at the sleeping girl, wrapped tight in a blanket, wearing a pink hat. Charlotte wraps her hand around Killian's extended index finger and Killian leaves a kiss to Emma's head.

"That night…" Killian whispers. "Bloody hell… to think I ever thought you'd never feel the same."

Emma smiles and takes a shaky breath. She looks at her husband, who has tears in his eyes.

"I know we haven't talked about it," Killian says. "But I really need you to know that before _this_ , before our daughter and the wedding and-" He shakes his head. "I wanted to ask you out. I was going to do it when we finished the tour."

Emma laughs once. "Really?"

"Really," Killian defends himself, grinning. "And I was madly in love with you, I'll have you know. It wasn't just me trying to sleep with you because I'd been helplessly single for the longest time."

Emma hums skeptically. "Well, I hope you meant it because now you have a baby girl, Killian."

He sighs happily and stares down at the little girl. "I will defend her every breath."


	4. Chapter 4

He calls her Princess Charlotte and it does nothing to help Emma's already incredibly warm heart.

She's so small and sweet. She sleeps and cries only when she needs something, and when she cries, it's only a little noise she makes, as if she doesn't want to bother anyone.

Emma carries her around in a wrap that goes around her body and she hums while she tries to get the apartment clean and ready for visitors.

She's been awake for a few hours now thanks to giving in to restless nights with a newborn, but Emma adores getting to wrap her little girl up in a soothing hug in the middle of the night before tending to her needs and rocking her to sleep.

"Are you ready to meet Daddy's friends?" Emma asks. "Your cousin Leo is a few months older than you are, Charlotte, but I think you'll like him." She lowers a kiss to the fuzzy hair atop the newborn's head and smiles when she coos at her. "Yeah?"

Emma sits down with a sigh on the couch. She removes the baby from the sling and discards the device entirely so she can just hold Charlotte in her arms.

"Miss Charlotte," Emma murmurs, giggling when Charlotte's lips curl into a reflex smile. "Is that a smile? Or are you going to need a diaper change soon?"

The door opens and Jack's paws click along the floor when Killian releases him.

"Mummy, we're home," Killian sings.

Emma looks over her shoulder at her husband and smiles. "Hey."

Killian holds out a bag. "I got your favorite."

"Oh my God. I love you."

Killian laughs and comes to the couch, standing behind her. He leans down for a kiss and then admires Charlotte.

"How's my dear Princess?"

Emma stares at the baby and sighs softly. "She spit up on me twice while you were gone, so I think that's a good indicator."

Killian chuckles. He kisses Emma's head. "I've got to shower before everyone comes over. Do you want to go first and let me become the vomit rag for a bit?"

Emma considers it on a hum. "If you insist, sure."

They make the exchange and Killian smiles so much that she almost considers staying dirty rather than showering.

"My little love," Killian whispers to Charlotte. He has crinkles of joy by his eyes. "It's so good to see you again. I missed you."

Emma smiles softly against her hand and turns away so she can clean up.

/

"Come here, now, Uncle Liam's got you," Liam says, a huge smile on his face when he finally sets his eyes on his niece.

He's only been here for twenty seconds, but apparently his desire to be Charlotte's favorite is remarkably real.

Emma smiles at her husband, whose arm goes around her middle after he hands Charlotte to Liam.

"She's gorgeous, Emma," Mary Margaret says. "Are you so in love?"

"Completely," Emma confirms.

Mary Margaret comes to Emma's other side and hugs her. Emma laughs when they pull apart.

"And it looks like Uncle Liam is too."

Emma looks over at her brother-in-law and laughs again. "Uncle Liam needs one of his own."

Liam scoffs, but doesn't look away from Charlotte. The baby reaches for his hand and wraps her fingers around one of his. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Emma."

"Mm," Killian hums. He clicks his tongue against his cheek. "Well, we can set you up with someone."

"No thank you, brother," Liam calls out as he walks Charlotte to the couch.

Emma, Mary Margaret, and Killian all laugh.

/

"Liam says we'll be recording more music soon," Killian murmurs into his pillow.

Emma's eyes are closed. She moves her feet in circles against the sheets and then slips one between Killian's legs to get closer to him. Her hand slides against his chest and neck, ultimately finding rest at the back of his head, threading into his hair.

"Hmm. That'll be nice."

"Aye." Killian's voice is a quiet whisper.

Emma breathes in deep. "Do you think Charlotte will be old enough to walk by the time we go on the road?"

"Who says we're going to go together?"

Emma opens her eyes and yanks at Killian's hair so he'll open his eyes too. She isn't let down.

"What?"

"Killian, we're a family now," Emma says. "It's a package deal."

Killian's breathing is heavy and tired. He rolls over onto his back and claps his hand over his eyes. "Emma- it's not about us as a couple or us as a family-"

"Okay," Emma shakes her head. "Then what?"

"It's about tour being long and awful and me not wanting to do it anymore."

Emma's eyes widen and she sits upright. "Excuse me?"

Her husband sighs tiredly. He drags his hand down his face. "Can we talk about it in the morning when I have coffee in me, love?"

"No," Emma says. "Because this is huge and you're just laying it on me like it's not a huge thing-"

Killian shoves his hands down on the bed and sits up with her. He flicks on the light and both of them squint at the disturbance.

He meets her eyes and smiles lopsidedly. "I've done it all, love. I've seen small crowds and enormous ones. I've been featured on late night shows and-" He shakes his head while he sighs. "-and we've done parades and movies…" Killian's smile fades a little. "And now I'm married and I have a baby daughter. And I want to be here for her."

Emma's heart skips a beat. "You'd give it all up for us?"

"I'd give _everything_ up for you." Killian promises lowly. He has honesty in his gaze and he reaches out to cup her cheek. His thumb strokes against her skin.

"But it's everything you are."

Killian smiles and she thinks he hasn't ever looked more handsome. "You and Charlotte, Swan. You're everything I want and everything I am now."

/

 _killianjones: properly introducing Charlotte Jones: professional heart stealer._

/

They become exceptional at routines.

They both wake up for middle-of-the-night feedings and Killian sings Charlotte to sleep, often making Emma even sleepier than she already is.

In the mornings they take a family walk just so that Jack can do his business and they often end up being recognized at least once. Killian takes it with grace, smiling and greeting the fans before posing for a picture.

Emma thinks it must feel bittersweet, especially because this is going to be his last album with the band before he stops going on tour.

But Killian is happy. He kisses her and caresses Charlotte's hair and cheek and continues to make her absurd promises every single minute of every single day.

Emma often wakes up from a nap to find her husband sprawled out on their sofa, sound asleep with Charlotte lying on his chest. She's sleeping, too, her chubby cheeks so pinchable and sweet.

She smiles when she kneels down on the floor before them. Her fingers press against Killian's cheek and she watches him come back to life- slowly raising his eyelids while a smile curls at his lips.

He's happy. So happy.

"Hey," he whispers. "Fell asleep."

His hand reaffirms its grip on the baby and Charlotte stirs slightly because of it. Emma hums. She's still touching his cheek.

It's in this moment, when Killian lowers a kiss to Charlotte's head and breathes in deep, that Emma realizes that he's completely content with this life.

"She's asleep too." Killian mumbles.

Emma lowers her hand and smiles. "Yeah." Emma licks her lips and admires the way Charlotte sleeps. "She loves you a lot."

"I love her a lot, so it's a good deal."

Emma chuckles. She reaches up to squeeze her baby's fingers gently. "Can you believe we made this?"

When she looks up at him, Killian wears a sleepy smile. "Sometimes." Emma smiles at that. "Bloody hell, but she's so small. How can I love her so much?"

Emma shakes her head. For a few moments, they stare at their daughter in silence.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if she hadn't happened?" Emma asks. "If it was just a one time thing?"

Killian scoffs. "Darling, it was never a one time thing. We agreed on that."

"Yeah," Emma blushes. "But… I don't know. With distance and time, I just wonder if we would have ended up somewhere completely different now."

Killian doesn't seem as certain as she is. He smiles softly and sighs contentedly after kissing Charlotte's head.

"This is who we are and who we were always going to be. I believe that with all that I am."

Emma has no response but to kiss him.

/

Emma laughs when Killian snaps a picture of her. She's standing in the living room at dawn, watching as the sun begins to shine warmly through the window.

Charlotte presses her ear against Emma's shoulder while her little legs curl up under Emma's arm. Emma leaves a kiss to the top of Charlotte's head and holds her close while she turns to admonish her husband.

"What are you doing?" she says, laughing.

Killian, dressed in nothing but his pajama pants that hang tantalizingly low on his hips, beams at her.

"I'm just capturing the moment."

It's something she loves about him- the insane amount of pictures he takes of everything.

"Well, good morning, Daddy." Emma says when Charlotte turns her head to look at her father. "Charlotte slept so good last night."

Killian hums. "Well, Princess Charlotte. Daddy has a song for you."

He goes to the piano and sits himself down at the keys. He gently presses down, testing himself before he nods and begins to play in earnest.

It's a fun song and Emma has to giggle when he starts singing about nonsense. She sways with Charlotte in her arms and it delights her to no end.

"Are you dancing for Daddy?" Emma asks, looking at her daughter. Charlotte moves her head back and forth and her whole body wiggles against Emma.

"Is she dancing?" Killian asks, grinning from ear-to-ear as he continues to play. "What a good dancer you are, Charlotte."

/

Killian buys Charlotte a tutu and ballet shoes.

Emma just rolls her eyes.

/

"I've decided to stop touring," Killian says. "To spend time with my family."

Emma sighs. "I mean, that sounds a little rude, babe."

"How is that rude?" Killian asks, appalled.

Emma's standing at the stove, flipping bacon. She listens to the sound of the television in the background, but also keeps an eye on Charlotte, who is sitting in her swing chair loving life at the moment.

She thinks she's _kind of_ killing this Mom thing.

"I don't know. You're leaving the band after like ten years. I think it should be a little more thought out than that."

Emma slides the bacon onto a plate and returns to making the pancakes just in time to catch one before it burns. She grins triumphantly.

"Darling, it's not like they haven't seen it coming." Killian says. He munches on one of the pieces of bacon she'd discarded and licks his lips. "I've withdrawn some since we came back from tour. I'm definitely spending far too much time in front of the television watching Sesame Street with an infant that can't understand it just yet."

Emma laughs. "Your choice, by the way."

"Anyway-" Killian stops to swallow. Emma flicks off the flame on the stovetop and flips the last pancake onto the tower she's assembled on a plate. She carries it over to Killian. "Today's the first day of writing for the album and I want to be forward, but not rude, so how do I do it, darling?"

Emma sighs. She brushes stray hairs out of her face and sets her hands on her hips.

"Well… just… show up with your kid in tow, lay on some charm, and say, 'these past ten years have been amazing, but I have to prioritize and Charlotte needs me at home'."

/

"These past ten years have been… amazing, but I have to prioritize. Charlotte and Emma need me at home." Killian says kindly. He sighs. "So I'll finish off with this album and do one final show."

Liam, who seems to have just had an instinct that this was coming, nods and smiles at both Killian and Emma.

"We understand completely, Killian." Liam reaches for his brother and wraps him in a hug. "Doesn't mean we won't be devastated without you, though."

Killian laughs. "Come on, Liam. It won't be that bad."

He pulls away from Liam and the brothers stare at each other for a moment.

Emma's heart aches. She moves away from Robin, who holds Charlotte with practiced carefulness, and goes to Killian's side.

"Maybe I'll just do some shows here and there," Killian suggests. "It doesn't have to be so final. I just want more time at home."

Emma nods and rubs her hand down his arm.

"I think we can work it out." Liam agrees.

/

They lie in bed, a messy tangle of sheets and limbs. It's early morning, but thankfully neither Jack Sparrow nor Charlotte have woken up just yet. The rays of sunlight shine through the windows past the white curtains and give the slightest glow to their bedroom.

Killian is warm and his voice is thick with sleep when he speaks to her in a low murmur. "Do you suppose we should start teaching Charlotte how to play music?"

Emma's fingers slide up his chest and she laughs while she bumps noses with her husband.

"Maybe when she's a little older, Killian."

Killian takes a deep breath and smiles sweetly. "Suppose you're right."

"Hm." Emma admires the way he looks in the morning glow and kisses him softly. "Thank you."

Killian hums. He's still half-asleep. "For what?"

"For saying you loved me in the back of the cab. For not giving up on our friendship or me. For talking to me when I didn't have anyone to talk to." Emma's eyes close and she imagines what it was like before- so cold and empty. "For giving me happiness like this."

Killian's hand settles on her hip and he rolls her onto her back. He holds himself up above her with his legs between hers. Emma sighs when he kisses her and grabs a handful of his hair to tug gently.

"I'd do it all again in a heartbeat," Killian whispers against her lips.

Emma smiles and meets his eyes. "You're my best friend."

"Aye," Killian grins. "I know." He searches her eyes. "You're my best friend too."

"Yeah." Emma breathes. "I know."


End file.
